A few months ago, somebody told my mother about Civil Services Exam. I want to find that guy and chop his balls.
“If you become an IAS, I’ll be the queen of Renunagar Colony. “She said, dreamily, “People will talk about me all the time, how I sacrificed everything for you and all, my photo will come in newspapers, my whatsapp inbox will be filled with congratulatory messages. Oh my God! You have to do it son. ”
“For the sake of your whatsapp inbox? “I asked, baffled.
“No, for yourself, silly. At least 50 lakhs plus AC car for District Magistrates. Can you imagine? Have you ever touched 50 lakhs? Or an AC car? ”
“What?”Escaped my throat.
“Yes. Munmun Aunty told me. She’s never wrong about Dowry rates. She has a full-fledged calculation formula. ”
I so wanted to wipe out Munmun Aunty’s existence. She keeps filling my mother with Dowry Rate informations, and my mother goes crazy with greed.
“Okay. Here’s a fact, maa. Munmun Aunty is divorced. Her son is a parking lot agent, which isn’t even a job…”
“Now don’t go there, sonny. Be an IAS. There are handsome rewards for being an IAS. “She said, that evilish smile profound in her tone. I wanted to tell her that I was already in love with a few feminist women, who would rather marry a lamppost than give dowry, but it didn’t seem like a good time to reveal my secrets to her. She had 50 lakhs dancing in front of her eyes.
Later that evening, I googled UPSCE.
The Third Toughest Exam in the World. The Toughest Exam in India.
2 Preliminary papers. 9 Mains papers. Interview. More than 2500 marks. More than 30 hours. Infinite syllabus.
A success rate of 0.1% – 0.3%.
Okay, here‘s a fact. Only two kinds of people crack UPSCE – those who are poor as fuck, or those who are talented as fuck. Guys like me, the semi-poor, semi-talented ones do MA and teach kids in schools. Or become a writer.
I told my mother about it.
“Pammi di is doing it. If she can do it, there’s no reason you can’t. ”
And that was the end of conversation. Because if Pammi di won a race, I had to at least beat Usain Bolt. That’s how equations work in my clan. No wonder I hate Maths. I went back to the UPSCE website and downloaded last year’s question papers. The questions were not easy, but they were interesting. Unlike the symbols they throw you at IITJEE. The papers were more human.
I decided I’ll give it a few shots. Not for the dowry, or my mother’s whatsapp inbox, but for writing those answers. That’s my only kick for UPSCE.