For the last few days, a girl has been addressing me as ‘cute boy’. This would have been a great news but I don’t like being called cute, because 1. I’m not a four year old chubby 2. Neither do I look like one, and so 3. It sounds sarcastic. Almost humiliating. As if I am someone she would like to adopt if she had money.
Well, like girls prefer beautiful to lovely, sweet, or pretty, I prefer more soul-pleasing terms of endearment like Hulk, Captain Barbossa, or Big Fuckin Knight 007. I like the compliments to be at least elegant if not true.
Raja‘s girlfriend used to call him Jaaaaaaaaaan. With 10 a’s in the middle. Maybe the repetition of the letter ‘a’ here somehow signifies something, which I have failed to figure out in my glorious, three-year long career of a silent observer. He too referred to her as Jaaaaan, with only 5 a’s though. For Americans who read my blog, Jaan translates into life. After the breakup, he changed ‘Jaaaaan‘ to ‘Slut‘ in his contact list and finally erased the number three months later.
Boys often call their girlfriends ‘princess‘, which they themselves know is not true. If she was really a princess, she wouldn’t have been fooling around with a horse, unless her preferences were bestial. Some resort to calling their baes Baby. Babu, Bachcha and Shona can be placed respectively at the lowest levels of this hierarchy. I don’t know if people in a relationship really go retard after a while, but calling your partner Baby only underscores your pedophilic instincts, if you’re planning to have sex with him.
I have a nice name. My mother cosulted 16 priests before finalizing my name. It was a lot of work but she believed keeping an auspicious name was the primary duty of a parent. So yeah, I like being referred to by my own name, most of the time. If somebody’s complimenting me for my looks, they’re either flirting or being sarcastic. Or maybe they really see the world in a unique way.
The next time she sent me a text, I asked her to stop calling me cute.
“Okay, sweetie. “She replied.
I almost blocked her.