I Like You, But Only as a Friend. 

Since girls don’t have nuclear weapons, they invented Friend Zone. 😑


Friendzone has to be the word of the century. It summarises the love story of half the humanity in a two syllable noun. In fact, it reveals about human behaviour more than any of those brobdingnagian jargons they throw at you in university lectures. 

I have a great fondness for this word, the kind girls usually develop for I-pill while dating condomphobics. A lot of it has to do with history, and also with constant updates in my UC news portal where celebrities constantly deny rumours of their affairs by labelling the relationship as friendship. 

Since I don’t have a girlfriend, I spend my time thinking about my friends’ girlfriends. No, not in a raunchy way mind you, but in an inquisitive manner trying to figure out their behavioural pattern and mechanism. Why do they do what they do? What motivates them to make a choice? Do they compare their boyfriends’ dicks in free time? 

One trait girls of all classes, societies and sizes display is the tendency to friendzone a guy. Of course, it’s not always a girl friendzoning a man, sometimes prospective  lesbian relationships are ruined too. And sometimes it’s also guys friendzoning girls, but like the case of dowry extortions, it’s more commonly observed in a specific gender. 

So I did a really elaborate research on this topic, which means going through a Wikipedia article, and found out that there are a few reasons behind this problem. 

Generally, the girl is not sufficiently attracted to the man. Which is a cue for nerds to go to a fuckin saloon. Girls find men’s hairstyles repulsive, or their buck teeth ugly, or their inability to converse in English a sign of intellectual vacuum. Feminists would now accuse me of labelling women as shallow objects, but I don’t really care. I do believe that women are shallow, and so are men. Humanity is really a raven in  macow’s skin. We do judge people on petty scales, and then pretend oh we don’t do that. It’s fine to reject somebody because of his looks or appeal, and it’s completely digestible. 

The next reason is miscommunication. This is a serious problem. Men are always looking for cues. They try to find pussies even in victory signs. So a gesture not meant to be interpreted as an invitation, is usually misunderstood by the guy. A peck on the cheek might make a boy wonder if the girl wants to have kids with him. Men are always on the lookout. A goggle-wearing buck teeth is as likely to fall in love with you as a chiselled greek God. And both suck at decoding mysterious girlese symbols. 

The third reason is they are already in a relationship. Well, ouch!

See, it’s okay to not like somebody. It’s perfectly fine, trust me. If everybody liked everybody, I’d be producing kids with my landlord. The problem is their inability to reject a proposal. 

They could have said, “I don’t like you. ” but they choose a rather ambiguous idiom – I like you, but as a friend. That’s where it becomes complicated. Because if you were looking for friendship, you wouldn’t find my profanity, cheapness and shabbiness a turn off, and you wouldn’t want me to behave in a certain way that appeases you. Friendship is more liberal and pure, please stop using it as a cover. 

And this is where I think I’ve started being incoherent, so I’ll take off. 

Bye bye. 

One thought on “I Like You, But Only as a Friend. 

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