IITJEE and Jai Mata Di

He looked at me through squinted eyes, and then exclaimed,Β 

“Wow! Why couldn’t I ever think of that! ”

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IITJEE is a nightmare for most of the candidates. You’ve an exam hall with the lowest possible sex ratio, and the girls look no better than William Frey’s daughters. Then there’s this question paper full of strange mysterious symbols, which pretty much appear like messages of Jaadu preserved by Rakesh Roshan and then unleashed on humanity. When I was taking the foundation course, the symbols on the board would start floating around like agitated fishes in a pond, and I’d wonder if I was really carved out for this shit.

One day, my friend showed me a man riding a bicycle. In a hogwartsy tone, he asked, 

“What do you see? ”

I thought about it for a while. I wondered if it was a normal question aimed at testing sight, or a deeper question which Leeladhar Swamy asks from his listeners every morning on Sanskaar TV. 

“I see a man. With a mango crate. He seems poor. And tired too. He is riding. He has stopped. Oh! He is riding again. “I said, wondering if my friend had finally lost his mind. He was rebuffed by a girl a few days ago, and since then he has been asking weird questions. 

What’s the purpose of life? Why are girls so evil? What would I do without her? Have you ever felt love? 

My ass. 

“You know what I see? “He asked. I didn’t want to know what he saw. I wanted to go home. But he spoke anyway,

“I see kinetic energy. And then potential energy. And then kinetic energy again. ”

I looked at his face carefully. His smile was fake, his eyes were lava pits, his hair was a hacked hedge. He was so pathetic you could caste him in child labour ads. Suddenly I realized two things – I was in the company of a lunatic, and that science was not something I should pursue. 

I gave up on physics after that. But many of my friends didn’t and they suffered a lot. 

Atif is always the guy in wrong profession. He should have started a band, performing live concerts by now, but like every other small town guy, he is taking IITJEE. Last year he asked for some advice regarding the exam, and if I knew some tricks to solve MCQs. 

“You always get good scores. I can’t believe you haven’t got some secret trick. All intelligent people have a secret trick. ”

I wondered if I should suggest him to take a healthy diet and sleep on time, but it didn’t seem like those ideas would be welcome, so I asked,

“Alright, Atif. Have you studied anything for the exam? ”

“Nah. I didn’t even know that coordinate geometry was in syllabus until yesterday. “He said coolly. 

I nodded, and said,

“I know what you got to do. You got to pick an option and mark the same for every question. ”

He looked at me through squinted eyes, and then exclaimed, 

“Wow! Why couldn’t I ever think of that! ”

I remained immersed in guilt for a few months after that. And a few more after Atif told me he’s done exactly as I suggested. I asked him if he solved any question, and he said he couldn’t differentiate Alpha from Beta, and since a girl sat beside him, he couldn’t have risked to look stupid trying to figure out the harmonic progression of some trigonometric identities. 

“The girl asked me if I knew what’s the atomic number of uranium. And I was so excited I couldn’t even reply. The boy from the other side replied and he won the girl. Uranium had never been so important before.”

“Oh! “I said, wondering if I would ever go out with a girl who asks me the atomic number of uranium. Nah. Never. 

Results were declared and what’s unbelievable was that he was only 10 marks short of the cutoff.

“This is so heartbreaking. “He said. “I marked B in every question. Should have gone with A. A for Atif. ”

I was quite taken aback. I didn’t even know such a trick could work. Had I cracked the code to pass MCQ exams!?

“This time try mixing options. Do a Jai Mata Di. “I suggested. I had a strong feeling that he would be in top 100 when results are out.

He followed my advice. 

Results were declared. 

And he isn’t telling me his marks now.

“C’mon. How bad can it be? You haven’t got negative score, have you? “I keep asking.

“Let’s talk about something elese. I should have taken commerce.”He says. 

Author: ravish raj

● 17yearoldboy ● capricorn ● artist ● pornaholic ● victim of the great INDIAN EDUCATION SYSTEM ● Googlebhakt ● amateur writer ● confused and devastated ● UNATTRACTIVE ● still a virgin ●

85 thoughts on “IITJEE and Jai Mata Di”

  1. Nice one, Ravish πŸ˜€ reminds me of the time when I joined IIT foundation course.. err.. I was forced to join IIT foundation course. The only subject in which my grades were higher than average in my class was mental ability, pcm was way below average (it was in single digits I guessπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚) and that kinetic energy thingy, I can totally relate to it. Some show off in my office was talking about friction blah blah, I just walked off . πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    And now that I wrote gate twice , hmm, may be like your friend, I should say, let’s talk about something else πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

      1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ what is Irodov? Sorry if I am sounding stupid by asking this question. Irodov sounds like a cousin of iridium πŸ€”

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      2. He was some fancy writer I guess, someone who kept talking about horses and pulleys all the time for some weird reason. I didn’t know why people won’t read Chetan Bhagat instead.

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      3. Hahaha. Seriously?? Chetan Bhagat?? All his books have too much of mirch masala. Not a huge fan of his writing.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. He was a spy in real life. Now he writes stories. Most of his books are made into movies – day of the jackal, Odessa files and many more. I like jack Reacher too. Read almost all Lee child books. πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

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      5. Yep. Murder, mystery, crime and suspense. I am re-reading Christie books now. I have never read any romance types nor I will. May be just one, fault in our stars but that’s more of a senti type story.

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      6. Thank you 😁😁 btw, I though that was pretty evident from my blog posts. I am craziness personified πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ or something like that

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      7. I recently picked up few books from my uncle – all physics basics. I have this sudden interest to learn physics once again. 🀐🀐

        Liked by 1 person

      8. Ya.. very nice πŸ˜› it’s been two months since I got it and it’s lying in my cupboard. Kitty uses it as a pillow πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Yes. There’s a prof at iisc who’s got two PhDs – one in coding and other in mathematics. I wanted to work with him in case I get through. Well.. let’s talk about something else πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜›
        Maths is fun and electronics has almost 60% maths in its syllabus. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      10. He’s like one of the best profs. My brothers been like pestering me – get into iisc and work under prof Kashyap. And of course, there are many more .. the communication dept team is very strong in iisc. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      11. Yep. 😁 I know a couple of retired profs. So I was just talking to one last month, and he was like I used to set gate papers before. Try again, don’t give up… I had actually planned on not writing it again but now I don’t want to give up. The first two attempts were not that good because of my health. So this time I should really study hard. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      12. Yeah. For PG, you need to have atleast 800/1000 score in gate or within top 500 ranks. πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘ My brother wanted to join IISc but his rank was not within 500 so he joined IIT Madras.

        Liked by 1 person

      13. Thanks for making me feel like an eight year old granny by saying that πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘πŸ˜› I don’t know but the book I saw in Google looks the same as the one lying in my cupboard πŸ˜› I did not study it for IIT. I usually read/study because I am interested and not from exam point of view. No wonder gate is not working out for me. It is still closed πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 2 people

      14. Thanks Ravish. The next gate exam is next year. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
        I was totally lost during my foundation course. And back then, I dint even know what IIT was πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ and my parents said “you should join there” and I was like huhhh????

        Liked by 1 person

      15. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I am a girl so I have no idea about it. But somehow bachelor’s at IIT is something that I never wanted. 😁

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      16. Read about Gopi bahu? Not interested in being a bahuπŸ˜€ I have a lot of dreams to fulfill and being bahu is definitely not in my list 😁

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Btw, we are chatting here, in his comments ​section, and he must be like “what the hell is going on!” πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I couldn’t stop laughing while I was reading this post! Spectacular post! Ravish, I must tell you, you are too talented for IIT JEE. Also, not all girls who give JEE look like ‘William Frey’s daughters’. πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 2 people

      1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ sorry, couldn’t stop myself from commenting. This was hilarious πŸ˜›

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Na.. your comment -second one πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
        Btw, ravish. I just googled Irodov. I actually solved problems from his book. I think I still have that book. *Facepalm*

        Liked by 1 person

      3. You could use its pages to absorb oil when you fry something. I utilised all my R.D. Sharmas this way. No wonder I got so fat. Once. (Now I’m fit)

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      4. Na. I don’t like fried stuff, except for vada – sambar and puri-shrikand πŸ˜€πŸ˜€ πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ aur hum log fortune low absorb oil use karte hai πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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      5. Yep I know. Had a lot of North Indian friends in college. Even here, people do prefer oily food. But somehow I don’t like it, makes me feel sluggish.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Having said that… Butter chicken is my all time favourite πŸ˜›πŸ˜›

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