One of my friends recently got friendzoned. He was chatting with this ex-classmate of his for quite a while. They were all good and great – flirting, sexting and everything. And then, a year later, when he couldn’t keep it to himself anymore, he spit it out. One long post with all the emotions and literature he could squeeze out.
And the reply was – We can be very good friends.
The reason why my posts often echo this particular theme is because all my friends who have been with girls either have been dumped (a small number) or have been friendzoned. Friendzone is a giant crisis in a young man’s life. I’m no philosopher, so my definition of a relationship is quite simple.
Relationship = Emotional Intimacy + Physical Intimacy
generalising which, we get,
Relationship = Friendship + Sex ( r= e.i + p.i)
(I should probably patent that 😂)
So when the girl says she just wants to be good friends, mostly, she means nah I don’t think I’m going to let you have a panoramic view of my terrains, but since you’re good at talking maybe we could chat, when I’m not chatting with the person who I’m going to let have a panoramic view of my terrains. The reasons are a myriad, and most of them are justifiable. However, the reason why boys fall in shit right after getting friendzoned is because they don‘t get the equation ( r = e.i + p.i). She’s rejected you for physical Intimacy, which means she’s rejected half your proposal, and offered you a compromised deal. Being an ex-commerce student I can vouch that that’s a bad deal on your part. The only reason you proposed to her was because, subconsciously, you wanted to have sex. Of course you’ll deny the fact, talk about her smile and shit, but what you really wanted was physical intimacy.
“I just wanted to run my fingers through her hair. “I remember one of my friend saying. How innocent did he sound! I remember nodding at him, believing he was right, because at that time I too wanted to just run my fingers through somebody’s hair. Now that I think about it, it wasn’t true. I’d made myself believe that that’s what I really wanted, because that simple act of intimacy was the peak of my potential, a holy grail, epified by cheesy romantic novels and movies where you have verses and paragraphs dedicated to this single act of men combing girl’s hair with their finger. Now that I think of my friend and of myself, I realise most of it was our fault. I should have been honest with myself and not fallen in this deadly trap. Most of the psychological problems we face in life are evils of our own creation.
It is another remarkable fact, however, that the same friend of mine went on to have uncountable sex chats involving rich blowjob scenes, uncountable kisses involving rich saliva transfers, and lot of boob press. Another one got luckier and had sex half a dozen times in a month, after which she found a really tall handsome guy. Both of them were dumped in the end.
The friendzoned guys lack the ability to make decisions. They have their brains shrouded by illusion and literature, and thus, making them see a vague picture of a hopeful future which isn’t.
“Roses are red.
Hopes are dead. “My recently friendzoned friend texted me.
“Dude, you need to take.
New pussies to bed. “I replied.
He then started babbling and blabbering about boredom and reading and stuff. I advised him to watch Animal planet or something. He talked about history and stuffs for a while and rejected each of my suggestions citing mood swings and in the end, said he would handle it on his own. Sure he would, we all have to handle it on our own.
There are basically two good options for a friendzoned guy :-
1. Find a new girl.
2. Find a new hobby.
Either one helps. Option 1 of course comes with risks and side effects. Option 2, on the other hand, is like Ayurved – pure and risk free.
I have taken up option 2. Why do you think a lazy fellow like me would take up tasks like –
1. Reading 3 novels at a time.
2. Blogging almost every 2 days.
3. Drawing almost every 2 days.
4. Playing 50 chess games everyday.
5. Scrolling through Wikipedia and youtube almost all the time.
6. Also, reading textbooks and making notes out of them.
7. Going out with friends.
8. Doing some kitchen work.
9. Watching lots of TV.
The underlying message is that don’t get trapped and keep yourself busy. There’s a lot more to achieve than getting accepted by a person. 😎
(I feel like a saint now. )