Thankyou Anna, for nominating me for this exciting challenge. 🙂
These are the three quotes I’d like to share today.
I would like to nominate these fellow bloggers for this challenge.
…one day, we were watching a comedy show and they started showing Durex Condom commercial in the break…
I remember the days all four of us – Papa, Maa, Brother and I – used to sit together in the living room ( which was more like a multi-purpose hall ) and watch Gopi Bahu and the soaps that followed. It was the time when our ancient tv ran on cable. There were limited channels, and that sonofabitch cablewallah kept trimming English channels every month. He first removed Pix, and then CC and AXN, and soon, Fox Crime and TLC were also taken away. The day he removed Fashion TV, he became a certified arsehole. And from that day, I started watching soaps, because the continual existence of soap channels was almost guaranteed. Nobody dares to mess with housewives, afterall.
I was never interested in these pathetic operas, however, the only other long-term availability was CID, which severely lacked hot women. I mean they had Dr. Tarika as the female lead, whose job was almost always confined to pulling dented bullets out of dead bodies and beholding them in a contemplative glance. On the other hand, soap operas, despite featuring a torturous plot, had hot sluty vamps and steamy suhagrat scenes. I was in love with Sanaya Irani and Jennifer Winget for quite a long time. My mother had often caught me gaping at the romantic scenes, and she would always have something to say in those situations.
“Would you, like, close your mouth at least? “She’d say, and I’d be red with embarrassment.
In the early stage of adolescence, I had faked asexuality for a long time; but then, one day, we were watching a comedy show and they started showing Durex Condom commercial in the break, and instead of switching the channel, I saw it full, sitting between my parents. Nobody moved a muscle for the next few minutes.
Once they figured out their son knew more than they’d assumed, they were okay with me watching soaps. But my mother never missed a chance to troll me.
“Only watch, okay? Don’t do it. “She’d warn me, and I’d only feel like a sex offender.
Papa had been nicer, and we often watched monkeys and elephants mating on Discovery Channel. But that didn’t mean I could tell him about the porn DVDs hidden behind the stacks of textbooks in my shelf. Nor could I tell him about the sultry magazines, nor what I usually did when they weren’t home. This level of frankness doesn’t exist in India, and I’m grateful for that.
Soaps became quite interesting with time. Earlier, the gaze of the hero was sufficient to make the heroine orgasm, but now, there was some caressing and skin-show, and also, the distance between the lips had shortened. The plot continued to suck, but it didn’t matter. There was always some hot bimbo trying to seduce the hero, and the hero, no matter how pure and all, always fell for the bait. Later, they covered it by showing in flashback how the vamp had mixed viagra tablets in his milk or something.
In fact, after some time, I was so hooked that I’d often watch those soaps in the absence of my parents, and fantasize the sexy bombshells. But there were some exceptions to my fantasy. Nobody can fantasize Gopi Bahu, for instance, because she is weird as hell. The people who write such characters should be quarantined in the first place. Even Homo Habilis (800 cc) had a better conceptualization!
But vamps were smart, except in their last days, when they made unbelievably silly mistakes, or the heroine’s favorite God got angry and screwed up their game. My mother would tell me to note how girls were evil and all, and I’d always laugh it off.
“They trap you, son. Stay away. “She’d say and I’d exchange looks with Papa, and we’d chuckle, and she’d silence us with a glare.
“You’re right. “Both of us would say, and she’d nod in acknowledgement.
It remained like that for some time, and then, IPL came up, and as it ended, the cablewallah returned Fox Crime and Fashion TV.
I stopped watching soaps after that.
Okay, so today, I’m doing something different from my daily musings.
Okay, so today, I’m doing something different from my daily musings. The following is one of my favorite lists and contains life-savers. Read on.
Top 9 love songs in my Playlist :-
(*I’m not putting any of Kishore Kumar songs in here, because those would have taken all 9 spots. )
9. Galliyan (unplugged)
The original song is undoubtedly amazing, yet there’s something about the unplugged version that claims the heart. The guitar and the melodious voices of two fine singers, and the words they speak, make this song a soul composing beauty. You cannot not feel the sweet clinks in your heart.
8. O Re Piya
RFAK needs no introduction. He is one of the rare gems in the music industry who can never be replaced. This song is soulful and melodious and could not have been better had anyone else sung it. The magic RFAK has created in this one is irreplicable.
7. Tu Jaane Na
This truly deserved the Filmfare. Sung by Atif Aslam, this song has been the love story of half the people on earth. It’s about buried feelings and unrequited love, and it will definitely make you all nostalgic and wistful. We all have one such love story. The lyrics are beautiful, and the voice of Atif Aslam gives the song a midas touch. Listen to it on loop, you’ll never get bored.
This is Arijit at his soulful best. His voice in this song has been so beautiful and soothing that you feel immersed in love all the way. This song yet again proves that Arijit is the undisputed melody king of this decade. It’s so pure and sublime that you can’t keep yourself from falling in love all over again.
This song, again, is a recreation of the 80s melody from Qayamat se Qayamat Tak, originally sung by Udit Narayan. Often, recreations damage the song irreparably, however, this one is a beautiful attempt at retelling the story with some new words and some old words. And the makers have been quite successful in preserving the magic. This song is surely tugging the right chords of your cardiac organ.
4. Mera Dil Bhi Kitna Paagal Hai
It’s one of those evergreen songs which never fade away from your mind. It’s sweet, simple, and beautiful, and despite it speaks about unspoken feelings and gives your heart those little jabs throughout, it never fails to stretch your lips into a smile. It’s so relatable and real, you can’t stop humming with the singer.
3. Main Rahoon Ya Na Rahoon
This song is Armaan’s magnum opus so far. He’s just 21, and with this melancholic melody, he rose up to the likes of Arijit Singh. It was a viral tragedy praised and sung all over the internet. The story it portrays and the message it imparts is amazing and beautiful. Listen to this song, and you’ll end up with a smile and a choked up throat, for sure.
2. Main Tenu Samjhawan Ki
At number two, we have one of the most recreated and covered songs of this decade. Main Tenu Samjhawan Ki, originally sung by RFAK in a Punjabi Movie “Virsa”, has been recreated in Humpty Sharma Ki Dulhaniya. And the song stole all hearts with its release! Beautiful lyrics and beautiful music, and the voices of two of the best singers of Bollywood, this song was born to touch souls.
1. Agar Tum Saath Ho
And now the numero uno, the beautiful, heartbreaking melody of all time. Undisputedly, the hero of this song is Irshad Kamil for penning down such a poignant masterpiece. The lyrics are moving, and you cannot help but feel the excruciating pain of the narrator. The part sung by Arijit is ethereal, and Ranbir Kapoor and Deepika Padukone have played their parts with such an honesty, it couldn’t have been better. Tragedy couldn’t have been portrayed in a more beautiful way.
He called me Mr. Okay-Okay and just as I was about to wallow, fired at me a set of High Order Thinking Skill Questions.
About a month ago, I purchased this cool t-shirt at cynkart.com. It’s navy blue and bears one of the most romantic quotes of all time.
For those who have no idea what it means – Read THE FAULT IN OUR STAR. Right Now. Present tense. Drop everything else and get that book. Imagine the world is going to collapse tomorrow and only those who have read the book will be allowed to enter Heaven. Hurry, people!
It’s a timeless quote. I won’t explain to you what it means, because my interpretation and your interpretation are likely and ought to vary. Interpretation is entirely a reader’s privilege. The first Okay bears a question mark and the second one a period. There’s this scene where Augustus and Hazel are talking on the phone and they are out of words but nobody wants to hang up, so they keep saying Okay for quite some time. Also, at one point, ‘Okay’ is equalled to ‘Always’. It’s kind of sad and kind of hopeful. It’s about courage and care and love, it’s about staying despite the tragedy.
Anyway, I got the t-shirt before the expected date. I was so excited that I wore it to college the next day. I thought everybody would be megaimpressed, I mean I’m wearing this supercool t-shirt bearing a quote from one of the best books of all time, and which is so revered and popular, especially among girls; but to my disappointment nobody seemed to care. People are so selfish these days. They are interested in reading quotes only on a girl’s tee, even if it’s something hardly enlightening or thought-provoking. The only person who noticed it was my history teacher. He called me Mr. Okay-Okay and just as I was about to wallow, fired at me a set of High Order Thinking Skill Questions.
“What did Hammurabi do in the Mesopotamian Civilization? “He asked. I gaped at him blankly. Banged his wife, I wanted to say, but I wasn’t sure if Hammurabi was a man.
“Your shirt says okay twice. Doesn’t that mean you’re supposed to know everything? “Was his interpretation. Gobsmacked, I just stared at him. He shook his head as if I was some kind of disappointment.
No one else ever commented on the quote that day. I hate these ignorant people so much!
Once back to my room, I pulled the shirt off and chucked it inside my almirah. I think I’ll wear it some special day. 😑
“I already said no! And whose number is this? “
The most important calls buzz my phone usually when I’m counting tiles in the comfort station. Like this morning, when after being woken up at 9:50 – that’s 2 hours early by my time, so it hurt – by Rohit and company, I decided to not to go back to sleep as I had an important call coming up anytime. It was from a superbusy relative, and hence, my mother had asked me to goddamn answer that call.
“If you let that call pass, don’t come home this winter. “She had said, emphatically.
And so, I’d kind of glued myself to the phone for the last two days. I’d sleep with the phone, I’d eat with the phone, I’d go out with the phone. The phone accompanied me every where, except for the comfort station. For toilets, I have another phone (yeah, I’m super rich). This toilet-phone is actually my old phone that has a nice radio, and a chess game. So some days, when it’s not discharged as fuck, I spend all my commode-time listening to Fever or something while having a game with the engine.
I waited for the call like it was my girlfriend on the other side, who could wake up from her decade-long coma any time. [Or maybe even a completely okay Doctor ( 😐 ) ]
It never came, so I gave up today night and tossed the phone on the table at 2:50. For the first time in my life, I felt ecstatic getting rid of that goddamn phone.
So today morning, as I went in without a phone and stared at the tiles and patterns and the Bear shampoo, I missed the call. There was an unknown number on my screen, flashing a smirk as if to say, “fuck you. ”
I dialled the number and a male, wooden voice said that I didn’t have a sufficient balance, which would have sounded fine, even sympathetic, had a girl said it. But that guy sounded like I was partly responsible for the recent collapse of Airtel shares or something.
I got a loan, and the guy said that I’ll have to pay the sum, and 20% extra, tomorrow.
“Like fuck.”I replied, but he wasn’t there anymore.
I rang the unknown guy up. He picked the call.
“Hey. “He said. A familiar voice. This relative was kind of sounding like Rohit.
“Are you coming to the college? “He asked. He was Rohit. Goddamn it!
“I already said no! And whose number is this? ”
“One of my numbers. Are you sure you are not coming? ”
“No! And also, you are a dickhole. “I said and hung up, drained out and troubled, and wondering how I was going to pay back the goddamn Airtel guy.
The call hasn’t come yet.
The problem with people is that they don’t listen.
The mid-semester break ends here. I wish it’d been longer, at least till Diwali, but since the University is run by zombies, they don’t really care about my happiness. No one does, actually.
The break hasn’t been an epic one. Had I been in Ranchi, I’d have spent it hanging out with Lord Evans and Rana, playing cricket in the Community Hall field, walking through the Maal road, pigging out on rolls, watching IMDb rankers non-stop, and surfing through the web at 196 rupees a month. Here, my data expense crosses the handsome mark of 800 per month, and every time I get a recharge it only feels like stealing from my father’s wallet, which is nothing wrong actually, but still, makes you feel guilty. I don’t have much to do. I get up at 12 and eat and flip through the books and get bored and play video games and write trash and erase all that I’ve written and plug earphones in and tune in to 104.8 FM and try to sleep.
Mostly, it’s fine, but sometimes, I really desperately need someone to listen to me. So back in the break, when I had nobody to talk to, this girl, who hadn’t cared to inquire about my whereabouts for a thousand years, texted me. It felt like the mid-day showers of July. I was so ecstatic, I instantly replied to her. She asked me how I was and I wrote her a big essay in reply, recounting all my problems probably from the time they snapped the umbilical cord. She instantly logged out.
I was so jolted and destroyed. The problem with people is that they don’t listen. And it’s not my personal whine, even Holden Caulfield faced the same problem. Anyway, struck with grief, I started skimming through my wall, and ended up on the page of Raj Comics, liking my childhood heroes and reminiscing the good old days. I downloaded some comics and read them all. And I waited for the girl to come back. It wasn’t my fault. People shouldn’t ask questions if they don’t have the patience to hear you out. She did text me back. Two days later. After I liked half a dozen pictures of her.
She : you’re just bored. You should get a girl or something.
Was she even listening to me!!!???
I asked her how she was doing, and she sent me another text, two hours later.
She : Bae’s home. I’m so happy.
Firstly, I thought Bae was her dog, but a quick google search revealed it was a term of endearment for one’s boyfriend/girlfriend.
Me : yaaaay! All the best have fun!
I didn’t wait for her reply, I just logged out. If Bae was home, there was no way she would have replied to a complain box without making him feel petty and stupid.
I texted Lord Evans and we discussed chess problems and he taught me some Japanese which I forgot, and I explained him the physical attributes of Australopithecines, which I am sure he forgot, and then I felt so sorry for myself, I downloaded some hardcore porn and watched it on repeat.
I really need a goddamn time machine. Or a heap of comics and a mellow yellow light.
“…..and I am sitting on the commode thinking ,’ wow, I’m sitting on a commode in SRCC! ‘ and when I am finished I discover that the bidet nozzle isn’t working. “
I was savouring the saucy and spicy eggplant dish yesterday evening at my flatmate’s study cum dining table as he sat opposite me, chewing with his eyebrows drawn closer to each other, as if the burden of reviving Yemen’s economy lied solely on his shoulders. The aluminium bowl on the table was stuffed with halwa, all of which, actually, was his share. Behind my back, in the hall, the Jio Guy was doing push ups.
“I had a bad day today. “The Kota Boy said. He had just returned from the University trials of Badminton, losing 21-3.
“It’s okay. You can try next year. “I tried to soothe him, simultaneously wanting to ask if I could have a share in his halwa.
“It’s not about losing the game. ” He said, frowning, “I had the worst morning ever. I am in SRCC for the first time, and I’m thinking, well, maybe I could empty my bowels or something, so I go to their lustrous toilet, and I am sitting on the commode thinking ,’ wow, I’m sitting on a commode in SRCC! ‘ and when I am finished I discover that the bidet nozzle isn’t working. ”
Oh. My. God. Not again! This guy always gets commode-tragedies!
And he always tells them while we are dining!!
“So I sit there, thinking that I am trapped inside a toilet in a strange college, and I cannot call out anybody for help, and I have my whole life flashing before my eyes, and half of the images in my mind are of me trapped in a toilet with a defunct bidet, and I don’t know why fate always throws this cruel joke at me. ”
“I wait there for some time and then I get up and walk in a really weird manner upto the next commode. I check the stupid bidet, it doesn’t work, and I move to the next one and I keep on doing that till I find a generous device, all while walking like I had an oversized watermelon between my thighs. ”
I didn’t want to laugh, but the Jio Guy behind me was hysterical with laughter, and so I couldn’t hold myself back. And also, I suddenly lost my appetite for a week.
“And then there was no food. I had to wait there for 6 hours. The commode kept flashing before my eyes throughout the game. I lost. ”
“When you go for Chess trials, remember one thing. Don’t use the toilet. “He said. I nodded and got up from the table.
A few minutes later, the Jio Guy handed me his phone and asked me to record a video of he skipping the rope. As I saw his pot, I felt slightly better for myself.
See, the thing about life is that it comes with ups and downs. The Kota Boy is a maths-wiz, but he gets stuck at the ugliest places. So everybody goes through the commode-mishap, figuratively.
You can’t always have just one side. The coin keeps flipping, all the way, all the time.